Link

Mums In Need

What is Mums In Need? – Help For Victims Of Emotional Abuse- www.mumsinneed.com

Is an internet site which is designed to help mothers to get through the trauma of living with an emotional abuser.  After ending an emotionally abusive relationship with the father of their children mothers can get the support from us. Mums In Need is designed to support mothers who are currently experiencing difficulties with the father of their children or those who have in the past.

The support that Mums In Need currently offers is done via a private support group. It has evolved through mothers getting in touch via the website and then have been subsequently added to the group. The support that is currently offered is advice and support which is internet based. 

In order for Mums In Need to be able to continue to expand and provide their free services it wold help very much help if mothers could  complete the following survey.

How is the criteria meet- It is based on the following criteria:

  • Mothers involved in a break-up, or post break-up, from their child’s father.

  • Mothers who need help in validating the emotional abuse that they are experiencing perhaps to a court of law.

  • Who want to be heard and listened to if they become involved in court proceedings and have been subjected to unworkable or unmanageable Contact Orders.

  • May find that they need a mentor/guide to explain the process and the legal jargon to them and making them aware of their rights, helping them to articulate clearly what they want for themselves and their children during court proceedings.

  • Require step by step guidance on how to speak to a solicitor, how to claim tax credits, where to send a child to school etc., how to cope with your emotions when dealing with courts etc…

  • Subscription is free to all members.

  • To subscribe you simply fill your name and email address into the purple box which can be found on each page on the website www.mumsinneed.com

  • Regular newsletters and updates from Mums In Need. Can Include interview with a family law Judge etc., Advice about how to obtain legal aid.  
  • Steps on maintaining your mental health and more.
  • Part of being a member Includes being part of a private internet group for the mothers who have subscribed. The idea behind this is that the mothers all support each other through this very damaging and soul destroying process which they have found themselves in.

  • The members are currently working together by running on-line session on topics that they feel is relevant to Mums in this kind of situation. Topics include: E safety, Emotional violence, applying for benefits, dealing financial hardship, also how to manage your emotions when dealing with your children etc…

How funding will be Established – By achieving the following

  • Mums In Need needs to able to demonstrate that there is actually a need for this service.

  • I am doing this by creating an evidence base.  This is shown in two ways.

  • By encouraging mothers to come forward and completing my on line survey which is displayed above

  •  Collecting women’s stories.

  • By producing the completed surveys I can demonstrate that these women are suffering and are in desperate need of help. I have been speaking to mothers who have been willing and prepared to share their stories with me.

  • Holding open days, visiting schools, children’s centres and introducing them to Mums In Need.

  • Possible places to apply for funding could be Law firms, Lottery, Social services.

How will the funding will be used?-The funding will be used in the following ways

Once an agreement for funding has been established I would like to offer the practical and emotional support packages as suggested on the website. The level of support is fairly extensive and would vary from person to person.

  1.  A service whereby Mums can dip in and out of the service whenever they need to throughout the course of their lives. Let’s face it, if you have children with an emotional abuser the chances are you are going to have difficulties throughout the stages of your child’s development and emotionally after they have grown up and left home. 

  2. There would be a referral process, whereby GP’s Social Workers, Schools, Practices Nurses or the mother herself could  self-refer

  3. An initial assessment – This session will gives Mums In Need the opportunity to establish what kind of support service each mum would need. These assessments could be done over the phone or via Skype, or if possible at a Clinic or Women’s Centre.

  4. At the Centre, providing mothers the opportunity to meet others in similar circumstances to share their experiences and participate in group activities and events.

 The funding would be used further to provide mothers

  1.  A female art therapist for group or individual therapy.

  2.  An opportunity of counselling from a female trauma therapist.

  3. Access to a 24 hour Telephone Support line.

  4. Providing support packages tailored to the individual.

  5.  Some of the packages may include access to a language interpreter. 

  1. Mothers will be provided with key worker to see them through the process whilst they are in the service. Providing mothers with advice and support on a number of levels: To include help and advice on: How to manage your money, accessing the appropriate childcare, applying for benefits & Tax credits, finding a good and understanding solicitor.

  2. Some of the support packages will include 1:1 meetings, such as accompanying mothers to various appointments such as City Council, Mediation Centres, Solicitors, Contact Centres, Clinics, going to court with them. Advice on how to work with a solicitor, letter writing, choosing a solicitor.

  3. Acting as their guide when a mum needs to speak or meet their solicitor over the phone or in person.

    Being your court buddy by attending legal hearings with them.

  4. I plan to hold sessions and have a women’s Centre and I plan to continue to work with and support these mothers

Why am I dong this? – I built the website in November 2013

Having researched this, I know of no other service that currently supports mothers who are being dragged through a tight and rigid court system by the emotional abuser. Having been through the courts myself I know that psychological abuse goes unnoticed. Courts step in and protect children if there is physical violence in the relationship, but there is very little if any support in cases of psychological abuse. My aim is to help mothers bridge this gap in the legal system.

The strain that is put on NHS services, through no current support services, could be greatly reduced. I honestly believe that if these mothers had a viable support system in place such as this, when the abuse began then there would be many benefits for all.

I want to help mothers re find themselves be providing them with the life skills that they have subsequently lost, through fear and intimidation by their ex partners and the legal system. To enable them to find their strength to carry on no matter how hard things get.

I am also a life coach and trained Mental Health Nurse with a huge amount of experience in dealing with people’s needs. Additionally I believe that through my own personal experiences I can safely help others

Volunteers – Help For Victims Of Emotional Abuse is a charitable organisation

Volunteers – are needed to help and support the mums who re suffering. Volunteers can be made up in different ways. Some of them will be made up from the members themselves. Others are simply people who want to help

The idea is that once the members reach a level whereby they are functioning in an emotionally healthy way, they then have the opportunity of being involved and helping newer mums (members) who are not so strong, if they want to. This of course is only through individual choice and if they feel strong enough to help others. Support and instructions will be given to mothers during this transition period.

  • Becoming a key worker by acting  as guide accompanying mothers to meetings with their solicitor and helping interpret their legal jargon and what happens in the legal system.

  • By encouraging mothers to come forward and completing the online survey.

  • Holding events & presentations, running groups. 

  • Assisting in the Collection of women’s stories – There are mothers who are willing to tell their story, but generally speaking from my experience mothers are frightened and can be a little paranoid and have trust issues.  Therefore this needs to be done delicately

How Volunteers can help in the building and development of the charity – by assisting with the following:

  • Advertising and sharing the sites programmes by asking members to like the public Facebook page.

  • By encouraging mothers to come forward and completing the online survey.

  • Being part of the development of the charity possibly attending manual meetings.

  • Helping with spreading the word,

  •  fundraising,

  • Writing funding applications  & proposals

  • speaking to law firms.

  • Volunteers will help with other bits such as distributing flyers assisting Mums In Need to spread the word. Initially I will be supporting the mothers, However if an influx of women come through who need this kind of support, and then I would be reliant solely on other volunteers at this stage to help Mums In Need. Until I am at the stage where funding will be granted to pay for the service.

  • If you are interested in getting free help and support or and helping others. Please come forward by emailing us via www.mumsinneed.com.

  • To find out more please go www.facebook.com/MumsInNeed13. It is a public page which keeps people linked to the site and updates them when any new posts occur.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog

Email:business@mumsinneed.com – Help For Victims Of Emotional Abuse

 

 

 

 

 

AT THE LOCAL LIBRARY

DEAR READERS,

I HAVE BEEN TO THE LOCAL LIBRARY THIS MORNING AND THEY WERE VERY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT MUMS IN NEED. THEY HAVE TAKEN A LOAD OF FLYERS AND HAVE ALSO SUGGESTED THAT WE COULD PERHAPS HOLD MEETINGS THERE AND DO TALKS ABOUT THE CHARITY THERE WHITHOUT HAVING TO PAY FOR THE USE OF THE ROOM. BEING ABLE TO PRESENT TALKS ON MUMS IN NEED TO THE PUBLIC WILL REALLY HELP MEMBERS TO BUILD UP THEIR CONFIDENCE LEVELS.

THE STAFF THERE SAY WE ARE GOING TO BE VERY BUSY AND THEY BELIEVE THAT THIS WILL TAKE OFF IN A BIG WAY. IF WE CARRY ON LIKE THIS A YEAR FROM NOW WE MAY EVEN END UP WITH A LOAD OF MONEY TO BUILD A CENTRE FOR MUMS IN NEED.

WHILST IN THE LIBRARY I WAS ABLE TO SEE OUR ADVERT WHICH WAS ON DISPLAY IB THE LINK MAGAZINE TOO, WHICH WAS FABULOUS TO SEE THAT IS ACTUALY OUT. YOU CAN FIND IT ON PAGE 24 OF THE LINK MAGAZINE, WHICH CAN BE FOUND IN MANY PLACES INCLUDING LIBRARIES AND GP SURGERYS.

My Secret Group

Dear Readers,

My secret group is fast growing and some amazing threads have been posted by its members. It is a real privilege to be involved in something so inspiring. Please keep spreading the word. If you know of any mum who maybe suffering, Please forward them the following online survey

Once again A BIG Thank you for your continued support

Advert

Mums In Need supports mums experiencing difficult break-ups with the father of their children.

There are different ways Mums In Need can help you. You can connect with other mums to support each other or work with me to tackle some of the emotional & practical issues. To find out more you can subscribe to Mums In Need for free by clicking www.mumsinneed.com

Mums In Need offers:

  • Advice and support for mums
  • Life coaching
  • Court support
  • Support networks
  • Internet forums
  • Telephone & email support

 

I am a life coach and trained Mental Health Nurse with a huge amount of experience in dealing with people’s needs. Mums In Need can help you through this intimidating and soul-destroying process.

 

Email me on business@mumsinneed.com or contact me on 07730561118

“I didn’t have any support really. I used to speak to my friends but I know I was a burden and couldn’t think or talk about anything else to them. I wish there had been a service provider like this one to help me get through my difficult period.” Janice Walter Age 33 (Mum of One)

Accessing Child Maintenance

As many of you may already know there is such a thing called “The Child Support Agency” (CSA) who can sometimes help you to get what you are entitled to for your child’s keep. The child support agency generally step in at the request of the mother of the child when fathers’ refuse to pay or complain about making child maintenance payments. Here you can click on this link to find out more. https://www.gov.uk/child-support-agency‎

Frequently you will find that rather than going down the CSA route fathers will pay out so that they don’t have to get involve with them however there are those cases where fathers are self-employed and try to wiggle their way around paying any taxes. However the CSA can and will only pay out the money owed to you if the father is prepared to pay out or if he is actually employed by a known service.
In my experience and through working with other mothers,this sort of behaviour is fairly common. Many fathers will flee from their responsibility by various different methods. Some of the common ones are listed below:

• Declaring themselves bankrupt
• Suddenly lose their long standing employment
• Fraudulently fiddle their invoices
• Begin signing on

There are many ways a man can get out of paying for their child/children. They still use the old PR parental responsibility to argue their case. What this means is that if your child’s father is registered on your child’s birth certificate then they automatically have parental responsibility. I have had first-hand experience of this and know exactly what I am taking about.

Arranging child maintenance with your ex-partner

Money Advice Service

Child maintenance is regular financial support towards the cost of raising your child. It’s paid by your child’s other parent if you’re no longer together and either your child doesn’t live with them or spends more time living with you.

What is child maintenance and why is it important?

DID YOU KNOW?

Child maintenance payments will not affect your tax credits or any claim you make for benefits.

Child maintenance is about more than just money. While there’s no doubt it can make a real difference when it comes to paying for clothing, food and other essentials, it also helps keep both parents involved in their children’s lives.

You can arrange child maintenance between yourselves or, if you can’t agree, you can try mediation or ask the Child Maintenance Service (formerly the Child Support Agency or CSA), or the courts to get involved.

See this video on sorting out child maintenance from Child Maintenance Options.


Family-based arrangements

DID YOU KNOW?

More than half a million children in the UK benefit from maintenance arrangements agreed between both parents, without using the Child Maintenance Service or the courts.

Source: Child Maintenance Options

With a family-based arrangement for child maintenance, you simply arrange things between yourselves.

Pros

  • It’s private.
  • It’s the quickest and easiest way to arrange child maintenance.
  • You can agree on different types of support, such as providing school uniform.
  • It’s flexible – you can agree to change the arrangements if circumstances change.
  • It maintains lines of communication between you and your ex.
  • They are completely free to set up. (From 2014 onwards the government is proposing to introduce fees and charges for using the Child Maintenance Service, so if you make a family-based arrangement, you won’t be affected by this.)

Cons

  • It’s not legally binding – there’s no one to collect missed payments or enforce broken agreements.

There’s a slightly different system in Scotland and a family-based arrangement can be turned into a legal contract called a ‘Minute of Agreement’ and registered. In that case, a sheriff officer (bailiff) could enforce payment.

Go to the Child maintenance calculator on the CM Options website to see how much you could expect to pay or receive

Get more information on family-based arrangements and download a form to record what you’ve agreed on the CM Options website

Statutory arrangements

A family-based arrangement isn’t for everyone. If there’s a breakdown in communications with your partner – or worse – the Child Maintenance Service will work out the child maintenance amount and, if necessary, collect it and pass it on.

Pros

  • The Child Maintenance Service will calculate the child maintenance and then either you arrange payment with the other parent directly (known as Direct Pay) or you can ask them to collect it for you and pass it on (known as Collect and Pay).
  • The Child Maintenance Service can even track down your ex if you no longer know where they live.
  • The Child Maintenance Service can enforce the payments through Collect and Pay if your ex won’t pay. You won’t have to contact your ex to chase up missing payments.

Cons

  • Once you make things legal, it can be more stressful for everyone – even the mention of the Child Maintenance Service to some people could end hopes of an amicable arrangement.
  • From 2014 onwards the government is proposing to charge a fee for all new applications to the Child Maintenance Service. The Child Maintenance Service are proposing to charge both parents a fee to use Collect and Pay and the paying parent will have an extra charge to pay if enforcement action is taken. (There are no collection fees if you use Direct Pay.)
  • Contact Child Maintenance Options for more information and to apply to the Child Maintenance Service. Call Child Maintenance Options on Tel 0800 988 0988

In Northern Ireland the agency to contact is the Child Maintenance Service

Using a court order

You can use the courts to enforce child maintenance arrangements but it usually only happens if you’re going to court for another reason, often at the time of a divorce.

Pros

  • It gives the arrangement a legal footing – if payments stop, you can ask the court to enforce the order.

Cons

  • It can be expensive – you won’t get legal aid if you’re only going to court for child maintenance.
  • You need to agree on the arrangements and the amounts before you both get to court.

Go to the CM Options website for information about using the courts to arrange child maintenance

Need help deciding what to do and when?

It’s not easy knowing what to do and what should take priority when you’re splitting up, especially if you have children.

The Sorting out separation website helps you to work out what’s best for you and your children and allows you to create your own action plan.

Go to the Sorting out separation website

Already got an existing statutory child maintenance arrangement?

If your arrangement is with the Child Maintenance Service

From 2014, the Child Maintenance Service is proposing to charge both parents for the Collect and Pay service. If you’re affected you will get a letter explaining what will happen.

To avoid the fees you’ll be able to either:

  • make your own family-based arrangement – see above for more details, or
  • arrange payment of child maintenance between yourselves – Direct Pay – rather than asking the Child Maintenance Service to collect it for you

If your arrangement is with the Child Support Agency (CSA)

From 2014, the Child Support Agency will begin to end its existing child maintenance agreements.
If you’re affected you will get a letter up to six months beforehand explaining what your options are.

You can either:

  • make your own family-based arrangement – see above for more details, or
  • apply to the Child Maintenance Service to work out your child maintenance and, if necessary, collect it and pass it on – the government is proposing to introduce fees for this

You’ll be offered help and support with this change to help you make the child maintenance arrangement that’s right for you. It’s expected to take about three years to contact every parent and end all CSA arrangements.

This article is provided by the Money Advice Service.

Insuring child maintenance after divorce or separation

Money Advice Service

To make sure that your children would be financially secure if you or the other parent were to die, think about taking out life insurance.

How much insurance do you need?

Either the parent paying the maintenance or the parent who receives it can take out life insurance or critical illness cover. You would insure the parent responsible for paying the maintenance, and the amount of insurance would be sufficient to cover the payments that would be lost.

Who else should consider life insurance?

Anyone in receipt of spousal maintenance should also consider insuring the life of the person paying for it, to ensure they are provided for in the event of that person’s death or critical illness. This is because spousal maintenance can be more important as it can last a lot longer than child maintenance.

To consider your options, check our guides:

Do you need life insurance?

Life insurance – choosing the right policy and cover

This article is provided by the Money Advice Service.